Ineffable Ontological Detanglement .: Introspective Assistance & Mental Analysis Manual
This is the stupidest fucking thing, this is the most bizarre off the wall personal darkness. In childhood it's easy enough to just find the tick option, my brain is going to let me do this... Hm, creates a bit of a thrill. I could destroy myself. This person now thinks I'm a thing that I personally have deemed more interesting. I can be an ever so slightly better me. It's fun. You carry this into adulthood, you become a nonsensical dark secrets nonsense person. Inside, you have a deep dark secret, in your alone time you will drift into horror. Seven people within your life think you have a pet hamster, however you do not have a pet hamster. You're thinking about their connections... One of these people knows somebody who knows I do not have a pet hamster. What happens? ...What happens? Darkness, everybody's cold shoulder. Everybody in my life is darkly looking down on me, whispering secrets. It could be happening now. It could be happening now...
I can deliver to you the psychology of a pathological liar as a brief former childhood pathological liar myself. I found the tick. It didn't take me long to realize this is a bunch of nonsense why did I ever feel the urge to do this. But, I picked up the skill. My experience as a pathological liar, my possession of the sociopath, empath and schizoid conditions, deep emotional repression and processing dysregulation, with a an OCD paranoid anxiety ridden base covering, perfect levels of cool temperament and bravery, high charm, speed of light thought formation, lateral thinking, a completely properly compartmentalized mind that will never surprise me with emotional expression, knowing just how other people think, eidetic hyperthymesia to keep a running inventory of lies, clairsentient intuition and brilliant insights on how to spot a liar do in fact create the perfect master of deception. I would never be able to fool an electronic lie detector but I would imagine I could fool the best of the organic lie detectors. Deep down I really do understand the nature of our Christian existence and that all of us science-y minded people just fling a lot of gibberish and we don't really understand what we're saying either.
To my parents I had quite a few, they pretty much just seemed to receive anything they were very easy, however to the general public I only had like four or five at most I was a lot more careful with them. The one that sealed it was age seven, I have two older sisters who live in Toronto. Seems more interesting, sisters, older, Toronto... Makes more sense than only child. Big city, still Canada, split family or some such. I think I'm that now. Okay so within these three kids and this teacher I am now that, noted. Nothing about this contradicts anything anybody else knows me to be, okay check. I think I'm creating a problem. That one does very little for me. All of these do very little for me, I'm restricting myself to something far too believable, my life is not very impressive to any of these people it's basically like 5% more interesting than who I am in the eyes of me... It's probably about equivalent in the eyes of them. Alright, well, two older sisters in Toronto for now, I'm sure it'll disappear in everyone's mind in a few weeks or hours. Everyone is stupid enough that if it ever comes up I'm an only child I can just act confused. I'm going to hold this in reserve with my parents, I won't tweak out on it anymore but I think I'm going to need to keep a certain false barrier established for some reason.
I know my parents were not just pretending to allow it, because lying is a thing they took incredibly seriously. Way too stupid far seriously. (bully story) Deep darkness, very deep darkness, everything that is me has been obliterated in their eyes darkness. My mother learned from this that I am a LIAR, and so now she has entered a contradiction. By adulthood I am about five hundred different contradictions. Over half of these contradictions, I am actually neither of these things. Her LIAR contradiction, no, I am neither a liar nor was I ever honest with you before the moment you established that I am actually a liar. Every child with natural perceptual filter bypass under the ownership of parents that do not have natural perceptual filter bypass learn pretty fast they're doing this themselves, what we have here is an obstacle, I am forever everything they misinterpreted about me when I was three. No, my system only ever would have inserted one side of the contradiction though had I been aware of the potentiality to be that funny cruel I probably would have been that funny cruel. Most of the things my mother believes I am, both sides of the contradiction are all her... Her entire framework is probably about one third my insertion.
The best example I've always known of pathological liars is false trip reports on erowid, the people who want to present that they are impressive drugs people to the drugs people who are not impressed by other drugs people without actually doing any research in order to properly present how these drugs operate. N-no a k-hole is not you literally sitting in a roller coaster. Oh yeah don't forget to put the Shakespearean melodrama that is your life in the trip report, you came home from a funeral your parents are asleep in the next room they don't even know you're a ketamine addict your dark little secrets dark depressed person darkness yes. You're everything we want to be. Nobody even knows who you are man, we don't even know who to be impressed with. I don't remember if you said you injected into your veins instead of your muscles but I hope you injected into your veins instead of your muscles.